Not ready to quit.

It had not been clear whether the expedition was officially over. Team members chatted amongst themselves the day before as we took Dori back to camp 1 at Sunama. It did not look good. On the whole, things had gone quite badly from the start. Some members quietly expressed their hope we could somehow carry on. Ivan was  more outspoken. "This is not a camping trip," he groused a number of times, suggesting the Schmidts had no place being on an expedition like this in the first place. He lay responsibility equally at the feet of IMG and the Schmidt family. At one point he said this while two of the Schmidt boys were present. "Let's give it a rest," I suggested.

In fairness to Ivan it should be noted he was under pressures the rest of us did not have. Back home in the Dominican Republic Ivan is a national hero. He was the first person from his country to summit Mt Everest, a feat for which he was promoted within the army and received a commendation in person from the President. Ivan has stood atop four of the seven summits and been sponsored financially in each outing. In this, his fifth summit, he was again sponsored by a number of companies, including Dasani bottled water. Whether implicit or explicit, there is pressure to summit when a sponsor is involved. The Climber carries the sponsor's logo to the top and poses with it. In Ivan's case this would mean sharing a moment of national pride. Such advertising opportunities are rare indeed. But the dollars invested return almost nothing if the Climber is not successful. Thus one can assume no further participation on the part of that sponsor and a difficult time enlisting others on future climbs. I have considered seeking sponsorship for own climbs. Having now summitted on six of six attempts it would probably not be difficult to obtain financial backing. But I have known moments along the way where a critical call had to be made, a decision about whether to pursue the summit under deteriorating circumstances. In such moments there is only room for the influences of mountaineering, and I cannot say with certainty that the obligations to a sponsor might not creep into the mix.

We woke the next morning and set about packing our beds up while Jamie and Jeremy cooked Mung Beans for breakfast. Mung Beans, a small firm bean, are boiled into submission then drowned in a brown sugar gravy. It is a sweet, filling breakfast that hits the caloric target. However, very little joy is experienced in the consumption of Mung Beans and many a sideways glance was exchanged. While Jason and Dan were busy having a private consultation with Dori and the Schmidt boys out behind our shack we used their absence as an opportunity to discuss circumstances with each other. Ivan, Pal, and Denis were keen to continue on. Carol preferred to defer to the judgement of Jason and Dan. I myself felt undecided.  It had been very hard work trekking in the jungle. I was not sure I was up to many more days of the same. Indeed, I had considered the notion of dropping out during the trek back to Sunama.  As well, owing to delays of getting from Timika to Sugapa and our false start the day before, we would have no rest days. They had all been consumed. If the expedition set out again it would have to put in 12 straight 9 hour days. 

Jason called a team meeting after breakfast and informed us that, as expected, Dori would continue back to Sugapa, then Timika, then Bali to a hospital where her injuries would be more thoroughly assessed and treated. Her climb was over. Nathan "Nano", Jeremy, and Josh would also turn back. Being minors, they could not continue on without a legal guardian present. Ben, being 19, could stay on if he chose. He was considering that notion at the moment. Jason said each of us would meet with him and Dan privately to discuss how we might like to proceed. So this meant the entire expedition was not necessarily over!

Carol approached me while Ivan was meeting with our Guides. She was concerned that she would hold up the rest of us and perhaps jeopardize our summit chances. She also felt she may have brought an unsatisfactory climbing boot for the rock face.  I assured her I had every confidence in her abilities as a climber and would welcome any moderation in pace so as to spare my ego from otherwise having to call for it  myself. "Equpment is another issue," I continued,"you'll have to judge that for yourself." She nodded and walked off to meet with Jason and Dan. I was honored she had sought my counsel. 

Ivan pulled me aside to talk about my intentions. I was frank about what a struggle it had been for me trekking in clunky rubber boots on muddy uneven trails. I lamented the heat, the inclines and the dehydration. He told me he leads jungle treks back home in the Dominican Republic. He said people always do much better after the first day as they learn how to move through such terrain. "And only use one trekking pole," he coached. "Easier to keep track of just one and it will be out in front of you instead of getting caught up on the side." I told him that made sense. "And very important thing," he continued, "you must surrender to the jungle." This turned out to be the most valuable piece of advice for me. Life in the jungle gets much easier when you stop caring if you are covered in mud, if you stink, if you have fallen down for the fifth time this hour. I started to consider the notion of continuing on. First off I would have to lighten my pack. I discarded a few things in the shack to be found later by the tribe. My gift to them and me. I moved other items from my pack to my duffel. This would put it over our 37 pound weight limit. But I was betting we would skip weighing the duffels this day and rationalized the added burden to my Porter was fare exchange for the night he left me with nothing. 
If I was going to continue on I needed to stack the deck in my favor to create a win, a day that was not a complete drubbing. But I needed one more thing.

Jason and Dan called me over to talk. "I would like to continue on," I said immediately. I was surprised by the conviction in my voice considering a moment earlier I had been uncertain. It felt like my statement came from somewhere deep inside me, not a place of considered thought but a place of basic truth, the same source that had prodded me to sign up for this expedition in the first place. "But I need to know that whomever leads us is truly into it." I explained that circumstances had been hard on everyone, them included, and I would not blame them for wanting to just cash it in. But this is their job and quitting may not be an option. The Guide who continued on might execute his duties admirably, but with no joy for the experience. "It matters to me that you want to continue on." Jason explained that he would accompany Dori and the boys back, leaving us in the very capable hands of Dan Zokaites, his assistant guide. Jason expressed disappointment that he would not be a part of the expedition, and Dan promised "a lot of positive energy" from him as we pressed on anew. "Then I'm in," I announced and shook their hands. 

The two parties formed up, those turning back and those who would continue on. Ben had decided his place was with his family. He stood with an arm across Nano's shoulders as the Schmidts watched us put on our packs. I walked over to them and offered a favorite Niel Young lyric; "Schmidt Family," I said, "Long may you run." Dori hugged me and each of the boys shook my hand. I was sorry we had lost them. Our 14 person team had been winnowed down to 6 in just two days. Dan led us out of Sunama on the same trail we had already seen twice. I cleared my thoughts and surrendered to the jungle.